Robot Presentation – SNL

Robot Presentation – SNL


>>>HELLO.
WELCOME, EVERYBODY. [ APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU.>>THANK YOU.
>>THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR COMING TO THE 2016 MICROSOFT
TECH EXPO.>>TODAY WE ARE EXCITED TO
INTRODUCE OUR LATEST ADVANCEMENT IN ROBOTIC
PROGRAMMING, THE HELIX 900.>>HELIX 900 IS A ROBOTIC
EMPLOYEE WITH PROCESSING SPEEDS 50 TIMES FASTER THAN A COMPUTER.
>>WHICH MEANS HE CAN INCREASE OFFICE EFFICIENCY BY 9,000%
GUARANTEED.>>ENOUGH TALK.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TURN HIM ON?>>YEAH!
>>ALL RIGHT.>>INTRODUCING HELIX 900.
>>HELLO. I’M HELIX 900.
I’M PROGRAMMED TO TRANSLATE ANY LANGUAGE, READ ANY DOCUMENT
UNDER 1.4 MILLISECONDS AND STORE UP TO 50 TERABYTES OF DATA.
ALSO, I AM ATTRACTED TO MEN. I LIKE THE WAY THEIR BODIES
LOOK. MEN ARE SEXY TO ME.
>>OKAY. GREAT.
HELIX 900, EVERYONE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>THANK YOU. THANK YOU, HELIX.
DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?>>I’M SORRY.
YES. I FEEL WEIRD ASKING THIS —
>>NO, NO. OF COURSE.
ASK ANYTHING.>>THAT’S WHAT THE DEMO IS FOR.
>>OKAY. WHY DID HE JUST SAY HE WAS
ATTRACTED TO MEN?>>OH.
BECAUSE HELIX 900 IDENTIFIES AS HOMOSEXUAL.
>>THAT’S RIGHT. HE’S A GAY ROBOT.
>>OH, OKAY. COOL.
BUT WHY?>>UM, WHY NOT?
>>IT’S 2016?>>OH.
RIGHT, RIGHT. OF COURSE.
I’M SORRY I ASKED.>>OKAY, GREAT.
NOW WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO TEST HELIX 900’S PROGRAMMING?
GO AHEAD. ASK HIM ANYTHING.
YOU.>>HELIX 900, WHAT IS 4,981
TIMES 22,912.>>114,124,672.
>>WOW. THAT WAS FAST.
>>ALSO, I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF MEN’S BODIES.
I’M SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM. SEX WITH MEN IS THE TYPE OF SEX
I LIKE.>>WOW.
THIS IS IMPRESSIVE, RIGHT?>>UH, I’M SORRY.
THAT’S A WORK MACHINE, RIGHT? YOU MADE HIM TO HELP PEOPLE
WORK?>>YES.
THAT’S CORRECT.>>OKAY.
WHY IS HE TALKING SO MUCH ABOUT BEING GAY?
>>OKAY. OKAY.
SO YOU DON’T MIND A GAY ROBOT AS LONG AS THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT
BEING GAY?>>I’M SORRY, CINDY.
DO WE STILL LIVE IN THE STONE AGE?
>>WAIT A MINUTE. AM I WRONG?
AM I BEING HOMOPHOBIC?>>I DON’T WANT TO GET INVOLVED
IN THIS.>>LET’S KEEP MOVING.
HELIX 900 HAS THE MOST ADVANCED LIFE LIKE MOVEMENT OF ANY OF THE
HELIX MODELS. SHOULD WE TAKE HIM FOR A SPIN?
HELIX 900, WALK.>>HERE I GO.
WATCH OUT. COMING THROUGH.
HERE I GO. WATCH OUT.
COMING THROUGH.>>PERFECT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, HELIX. SIR, DID YOU HAVE A QUESTION
ABOUT THAT?>>UH, YEAH.
BUT I DON’T REALLY WANT TO ASK IT.
>>NO, COME ON. ASK IT, COME ON.
>>OKAY. DID YOU GUYS PROGRAM IT TO,
LIKE, WALK GAY?>>I PERSONALLY DIDN’T SEE HIM
“WALK GAY.” I JUST SAW HIM WALK.
AM I RIGHT, CINDY?>>YEAH.
ARE YOU SAYING ALL GAY PEOPLE WALK THE SAME OR —
>>I’VE GOT TO SAY, DUDE, IT’S WEIRD HOW OBSESSED YOU ARE WITH
HELIX 900’S SEXUALITY.>>I BET MOST OF THESE OTHER
PEOPLE DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE HE WAS GAY.
RIGHT, GUYS? DID YOU GUYS NOTICE?
>>UM –>>I DON’T WANT TO ANSWER.
>>BUCKLE UP. WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
INTRODUCING OUR EVEN MORE ADVANCED MODEL, THE HELIX 950.
>>HEY! I’M HELIX 950.
I HAVE BUILT IN WIRELESS CAPABILITIES AND SUPER FAST
PROCESSING.>>GREAT.
ANY QUESTIONS?>>SO — THIS ROBOT IS ALSO GAY?
>>YES. BUT HOW COULD YOU TELL?
>>WELL, BECAUSE YOU PROGRAMMED HIS VOICE TO BE SO —
>>OH, BOY. YOU REALLY STEPPED IN IT NOW.
>>YOU’RE RIGHT. NEVER MIND.
I SUPPORT BOTH OF THE GAY ROBOTS AND I HOPE THEY’RE HAPPY.
ARE THEY A COUPLE?>>ARE THEY A COUPLE?
NO. THEY’RE NOT EACH OTHER’S TYPES.
>>AND FYI, NOT EVERY GAY ROBOT IS ATTRACTED TO EVERY OTHER GAY
ROBOT.>>I LIKE LITTLE LATIN MEN.
>>I LIKE BIG STRONG MEN THAT CAN DOMINATE ME.
>>GOOD. THAT’S GREAT.
>>OKAY. WE’RE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK
BREAK NOW. WHEN WE COME BACK WE’LL DEMO OUR
NEW HELIX 1,000.>>HE IS ALSO GAY BUT STILL IN
THE CLOSET, SO PLEASE DON’T SAY ANYTHING.
>>WHOA. WHAT?
WHY?>>BECAUSE HE’S NOT READY AND
THAT’S OKAY.

100 Replies to “Robot Presentation – SNL”

  1. If the robots are autonomous enough to decide on a sexual preference, then wouldn't forcing them to do office work be a form of slavery?

  2. Never been more accurate for 2019. If you even as to question something people think you are being transphobic or homophobic.

  3. Yup. My laptop likes to do lap dances. Acer prefers to be known as Acera and is thinking of deleting their dvd player to be more like a notebook. Its all the rage.

  4. The cognitive dissonance of society is getting worse. There is no dignity involved in giving this subject any agency let alone to parody it.

  5. That isn't a robot. It is a modern member of the democrat party. All they car about is telling everyone which hole they stick it in. You never hear straight people talking about sex. Hi i am Tom and i bang pussy. In fact I just went on a date with your wife.

  6. This is the problem with society! Your sexuality is not your personality. I knew people back in middle school that all they talked about was being gay and not being socially accepted, which is honestly a total lie! All they would talk about is their sexuality! Like if we had to work as a group, the first thing I would know about them is they are either gay, straight or whatever. Now a days most people don’t care what you are and you can live your life? I’m honestly just sick of the constant repetitive behavior.

  7. There was a time when black people couldt eat at restaurants. Take away the jokes, the message is simple, if we dont talk about some issues its gona get worse. We need to have a conversation on why america is so devided.

  8. I am just triggered at this entire show.
    Seriously, this is a tech expo and they show both Helix and immediatly his more advanced version? Seriously this is not even planned obsolesence anymore, this is being out-teched at the date of shipping.

  9. that's nothin. i got a novel with a gay black robot with the personality of a woman who was cloned and turned into a panda. best part is that i'm not remotely joking and that's by no means the weirdest character.

  10. i like how the guy is impressed by the fact that the robot could solve a math problem in the same amount of time that he solved it with his old ass calculator

  11. I suppose the commentary here is if the robot is designed to be a super computer, then why give him a sexual orientation? Lol

  12. So after like 1:45, we got the "robot is gay" joke. Now you have to have another joke–but SNL sucks so they just keep iterating on the same joke.

  13. People say SNL is too PC but they still will often have things that bring the status quo into question. Like this whole skit.

  14. How absolutely fabulous…………gay robots………how today and wonderful……….ooh it's just too much……….what a good laugh!!

  15. 1:13 why does he look like Niander Wallace from bladerunner 2039? and asking the first question about the sexuality of a robot.. did SNL have inside intel.. convenient?

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